Charles Camilla Henry Adolf Napoleon John Paul

Has it escaped attention that Hank 8 divorced England from the Pope so he could start the Church of England so he could divorce one wife and marry another? By this unlawful act he freed us from the then equivalent of the European Union. And got married. In church. I think the odd bishop might have been executed to smooth the path of legitimising it but that was then an occupational hazard.

I know we've regressed since (Adolf and Napoleon rubbing their hands in whichever spot Dante put them) but its pretty cool that if push comes to shove the prints of wails and camela pukka balls can turn the circle to get hitched lawfully under European Human Rights legislation while the C of E keeps its nose up its.

PS How much did the lawyers get?

Tai Chi

Is it too late for the Pope to learn Tai Chi? he's only 84. Last month I studied Tai Chi with an 86-year old (here's some pictures) who chucked me around as if I were a novice. I felt like one.

Less time on the prayer-mat or whatever the current look is in the Vatican, more time in the woods breathing in Nature and curry some favour with the pagan gods to prepare for the trip to the beyond. Why not? nobody's been back to tell us what to expect so your speculation is as good as mine which is as good as anyone's, hey?

Substitute a bit of ward off, roll back, press, protect and push in place of symbolic cannibalism and ritual human sacrifice, all perfectly proper pagan practices but the latter two mistaken for christianity for the past two millenia.

Practise a spot of Iron Shirt grounding and rooting, push-hands to develop flexibility so you don't have to be carried about in that so last-century chair...body is where spirit lives for now, so give it some respect. Maybe don't go too mad on the weight-lifting: after all, if its been out-of-use for a while you don't want things flying off. (Celibacy is so extreme. Imagine if an enlightened being descended to earth and told us its a sin to shit. Don't think they'd get much of a following. So how come the no-sex thing became so popular? Don't priests wank? they can't all be pederasts.)

Sorry, didn't mean to be sacrilegeous. Just trying to promote my Monday night Tai Chi class - doesn't even clash with Sunday church. 6.30 to 8pm at the London Tao Centre, 19-21 Phipp St London EC2. only £12 in the collection plate.

Zen Shiatsu

The shiatsu season starts again soon at my Zen School of Shiatsu with an Open Evening on 4th March and a 5-day Intensive Starter Course from Monday 7th March through Friday 11th. This is for beginners to learn the basics of Zen Shiatsu, Zen Tao Shiatsu, Healing Tao Shiatsu in the very special way we teach: with understanding, sensitivity and compassion.

There's so much bureaucracy creeping into the world of alternative, complementary medicine, healing, so many organisations making rules, being exclusive, even elitist. I had a run-in with the oldest most dinosauric shiatsu society last year on issues of trust and compassion. Came to the conclusion they can't be trusted and lack compassion.

If you're curious about the Politics of Shiatsu - surprisingly lively and an eye-opener to those who think its all sweetness and light, click here for an interesting article.

I'm still in it because it is sweetness and light and I want to do my bit to make sure it stays that way despite the bureaucrats!